Let's talk about marketing. Not the glamorous, exciting part with the shiny ads and catchy jingles. We're talking about the real marketing – the stuff that makes grown adults weep in frustration while trying to understand a SWOT analysis. Marketing is what everyone want to be great at, but rarely invest enough time or money in to be the best at.

Marketers are like mad scientists, but instead of creating monsters, they create desires. They study consumer behavior, which is basically watching people do really weird things like buying a £500 pair of jeans or a water bottle that costs more than a decent meal.

Segmentation: This is where marketers decide who to brainwash. They divide us into groups based on age, gender, income, or any other random criteria they can think of. So, if you're a 35-year-old woman who likes avocado toast and yoga pants, you're probably in a very lucrative segment. Congratulations!

Targeting: Once they've got their target audience, marketers unleash their secret weapons: data and algorithms. They know more about you than your best friend. They know what you like, what you dislike, and what you're going to buy next week. It's creepy, but it's also kind of impressive.

Positioning: This is where the magic happens. Marketers try to convince you that their product is the absolute best thing since sliced bread. They'll use fancy words like "unique selling proposition" and "brand identity" to make it sound important. In reality, they're just trying to get you to buy stuff.

It’s knowing the basics of how to use your audience that separates you from your competitors, somewhere along the way it’s become common to post on socials and send the odd email and think that a queue of people will form outside your door. Long forgotten is to plan out, to have structure and to get help in using your time and money wisely.

The Four P's

Now, let's talk about the Four P's. - We're talking about Product, Price, Place, and Promotion. These are the essentials of marketing, conciously swallow down these 4 P’s and you massively increase the chances of success (they still won’t help you with design, brand etc.).

1. Product: Create something people want. Or, if you can't do that, create something people think they want.

2. Price: Charge enough to make a profit, but not so much that people run away screaming.

3. Place: Get your product in front of people. This could mean anything from opening a physical store to selling online. Or, if you're really ambitious, you could try selling your product on the moon.

4. Promotion: Tell people about your amazing product. This is where advertising, public relations, and social media come in.

Give the right person what they need, at a price that is right, where they will be able to find it. It’s so simple but highly effective. Be aware that by marketing to more people could decrease the personalisation and effect the sales. Make sure that your marketing is thought about from what it is to who it goes too. The point of any marketing is to make sales but also learn valuable insights to better improve time and time again.

Copy the 4 P’s Formula and stick it on the wall, then every time you do your marketing you can check off it’s all been thought about.

So, there you have it. A brief overview of the mind-boggling world of marketing. Remember, the next time you see a commercial or get an email about a product you don't need, take a moment to appreciate the sheer brilliance (or insanity) of the marketers behind it.

*Disclaimer: This blog post is for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual marketing theories or practices is purely coincidental.